The issue: A life that needs interruption.
I cautiously write these words this morning. The realization of how much they could change my life haunts me as I click away.
Something is shifting in my soul… in the previous post; I shared this desire to just be an authentic nobody. But processing this concept seems to be taking more time and effort than I imagined.
I often hesitate to write about trying experiences in any place other than my private journal [that nobody but Jesus reads.] Very safe of me.
Yet this morning, I feel drawn to this place I tend to avoid in moments like this… the blog. Perhaps because the perception of living a public life is fading into the shadows of the authentic nobody life, I seem to not care so much anymore?
So either fortunately [or unfortunately] for you, this seems to be the way I need to process this. I like to write about things on here that I’ve worked out. But this… it’s not so worked out.
Predictable. Hectic. Routined.
These are the words describing my life and leave me so unsettled today. The truth is, I’m having a hard time finding God in these very normal places.
I have conversations with my husband that leave us both puzzled. He wonders where this desire for something else is coming from. [Truthfully, I think he’s worried this may be some type of pre-mid-life-crisis and I might dye my hair purple and want to start driving a Hummer.]
Yet he agrees… something could change.
I met a friend the other day. She drinks her coffee and tells me the story of how her life has suddenly become interrupted. She calls it an adventure, a journey, a… story. Her eyes fill with excitement as she shares the details.
I’m left wondering… do I really want God to interrupt me like that?
An email comes through my inbox. It’s a new blog post from a writer I am intrigued by. The update shares of a radical life change. A crazy moment of defying the odds and so scary.
Curiosity within me prays… God, what will my life look like interrupted by you?
This whole interruption thing… it’s not new. God’s been doing it endlessly in people all around me for as long as I can remember. And life as I know it has been interrupted before; moves, babies, job changes, church changes… but whatever this is I’m sensing is not so perceptible.
Life is bothering me and I don’t know what else to do except to pray, process and write this out.
So for the next thirty days, this is my prayer:
God, interrupt my life.
I put all my dreams, plans and schedules aside. Something I cannot describe needs to happen deep within me. May I be brave enough to work this out in this blog for the next thirty days.
I know I’ll fight it Lord.
I’ll stare at this stinkin blinkin cursor for hours I do not have to spare. I’ll hear the words of others say, “You shouldn’t write about God things until you have personally worked them out.” Jesus, I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose some of my Christian credentials as I work this out but I don’t have the drive to agree with people who say things like that anymore.
I’m more afraid of what won’t happen if I don’t do this God. I’m more afraid of the woman that I’ll become if I keep all these words inside of me.
So Jesus, interrupt my life. It needs it. I’m looking for it God. I’m open to see You interrupt things like never before.
Amen.
Here’s a little video message from me explaining this a little more.
I’ve been on that path too friend. Wanting, grasping, reaching for something…a dream…and wanting it NOW (yesterday). Then God allowed a season of loss where I was faced with my “enough.” And after taking a deep and painful (and ultimately freeing) look at what I had already been given, I decided I wasn’t even so sure I wanted that dream anymore.
I still don’t know what to do with that dream (is it even the dream God has for me?) so I’ve given myself this goal: be faithful.
That’s it. Be faithful. Whatever God places in front of me, calls me to do or not to do, my heart wants to say “yes” to Him and just be faithful.
I would rather, at the end of my life, be known as a faithful nobody, than a faithless somebody.
Bravo 🙂
Thanks so much Brooke. I hear you and am with you. Love that last line… good stuff, “I would rather, at the end of my life, be known as a faithful nobody, than a faithless somebody.”
Nicki, first I want to say, I am proud of you!! What a step you are taking, but I have no doubt God is going to bless you beyond measure and open doors you never could have imagined. I look forward to watching these next days as God moves in your life.
Second, I can so totally relate to wanting more. Wanting the exceptional in the mundane.lol I want fire and passion and zeal, even in the day to day.
I am praying for you, sister!!
Blessings!
Danielle,
Thank you for your honesty and your prayers. It means so much to me. Grateful others are identifying with this and perhaps together we can walk this out. Prayers for you too!
I’m with you.
I feel as if I’m on the brink of something; I don’t quite know what, but there’s something. It’s only in His will that I am free – and so I’m climbing on board.
Exciting times!
God bless you.
In Christ
Helenx
Hi Helen,
Grateful to have you along side me during this journey. I hope you’ll continue to share with me how God interrupts your life so that together we can work through this. 🙂
Nicki, thank you so much for sharing what was on your heart. I have many times felt just like yourself. It use to be difficult for me to share with others so freely, because I felt that I needed to always have an encouraging Word from God for others while leading the small group of women at my local church fellowship. It has been so freeing now sharing my testimony of day to day challenges.
I am a stay at home wife and this time spent with getting to know God in a more profound way, has allowed me to take in more of Him. I am also able to get the household chores done and even take time to connect with other women here online and outdoor activities.
I will continue to lift you up in prayer because I do believe that God has given you something for others to share as well. It might not be daily, but whenever it does come out, so many will be blessed as you pour into each one. Blessings to you!
Latosha,
Thank you for sharing this corner of your soul… I hear you and so understand how difficult it is to share things like this while we are leading. Grateful that God has given you the freedom to share your day to day challenges. Thx so much for the prayers, they mean so much to me. 🙂
Thank you for being willing to step out of your comfort zone to share what you’re facing. Your message has really hit me square in the face regarding some circumstances I’m facing (not exactly the same as yours, but God is so faithful to speak through so many different avenues). I appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable to Him and to us, and look forward to journeying you with – as I only think it’s fair to do that if I’m also committing to ask God to interrupt my life as well. Thanks for taking the lead!
Thank you Jenny, grateful to have you along this experience. 🙂
Nicki- thanks so much for your message! You have explained what I have been feeling but I’m not able to eloquently speak as you have. I so want to feel His presence during the mundane tasks of motherhood. I know that my greatest job right now is being a mother to 4 small ones but trying to find Him during the day is hard. It’s hard to have the servant’s heart and be joyful when it’s just normalcy.
So encouraging to know that others are feeling the restlessness in their soul and wanting Him to come upon us and make us joyful in the mundane!
I will pray for you- that He interrupts you and leads you to joy during the normalcy of life!
Julie
Julie, thanks for sharing your heart. I pray we do find this place. And thank you also for your prayers. 🙂
I have felt for the last several months that God is wanting to do something completely new in my life. After sharing this with my husband, he said that God had been dealing with him the same way. In many ways, this scares me and I want to run away and hide. I get scared that something bad may have to happen to bring about the change He wants to make in us. In some ways, it excites me and I look forward to what He has for us. Please be in prayer for us as we seek Him and His will for every aspect of our lives. I do not know what He is going to show us and what this is going to mean for us. I am praying for you as well. I want to see Him interupt all of our lives!! God Bless.
Vicky
Yes! A new thing, and for me its in the midst of the old thing. 🙂 I am praying for you [and everyone on this journey.] I imagine God is doing things inside of us that well… only He can do.
Hi Nicki..I’ve not been around blog world for quite some time but I’m so glad I popped over here today and caught up on what you are doing. I can SO RELATE. Thank you for your transparency. I truly appreciate it. I look forward to seeing what God does through this.
Blessings,
Jennifer
Today I read the She Seeks devotional and decided to check out your blog. Then I stumbled upon your interruption writing. While I was listening to your video, it made me think of the sermon I heard at church today. I have prayed for a change in my home. We are faithful church-goers, but it seems as if the sermons we hear are not “clicking” with everyone at my house. I live in a house of arguing, yelling and disrespect. I am married with 3 kids, 1 at college and 2 in high school. This is not just “typical teenage behavior”,it’s more. Anyways, my prayer at the altar tonight, was for God to do whatever it takes for peace to come into my house. After listening to you, I believe we need a God interruption in our life. I’m going to pray and ask God to interrupt the lives of me and my family everyday. I want them to be drawn to Him so much, that God consumes their thoughts all day long.
Thanks so much for the blog!! God definitely interrupted me today! I’m looking forward to reading your 30 days of interruption and how God will use this in my life and the life of my family.
Have a blessed Monday! 🙂